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Every person you know has a fetish (yes, even “that” neighbor) for something. There are no explanations for it, no rhyme or reason to what turns us all on, but it’s something every person in history shares. The difference comes in the “type” or “flavor” of fetish you enjoy, as some are more socially acceptable than others; one person’s over-the-knee spanking is desirable while that same act is another person’s traumatic experience. Each of us has gone through the dreaded new relationship question of “what are you into?” and had that moment of freeze where you gauge how much to tell a potential partner about what turns you on. This is because, for some of us, our fetishes go beyond trite romance novels and commercially produced “soccer-mom” erotica. Sadly this leads many to an unsatisfactory sex life and boring, lights-off, hole-in-the-sheets style missionary fucking.

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Identify Your Fetish

The first thing you need to remember when identifying what turns you on is that what turns you on doesn’t always have to be sexual. In fact, many times, it’s not anything sexual at all! Yes, sexual acts can (and do!) get you in the mood, but what about when you are in the department store, and you happen to gaze at the end cap display of women’s socks. Or the tingle you experience when meeting someone with a vast intellect? These are both very non-sexual but well-recognized fetishes (podophilia and sapiosexuality, respectively) in the modern world. It’s essential to take the time to identify what turns you on, not only for your future partners but also for yourself! Masturbation isn’t just about the physical reaction; sometimes, there’s a huge mental factor as well.

Embrace Your Fetish

Once you know what turns you on, it’s critical to remember that there is nothing wrong with your fetish. There are no “right” and “wrong” fetishes, provided they don’t violate any laws or impose them upon other people unknowingly. Whatever your fetish is, chances are high that you didn’t “choose” it and there’s nothing wrong with you for embracing it.** Your fetish is an “also” in your sexual identity, the finishing pinch of sea salt on your bedroom caramel. Once you are comfortable with your own fetishes, you can have that conversation and get to know your partner’s fetishes and see where they meet.

** For example, if you get off on being humiliated, that’s awesome. If you want to be embarrassed by dressing as a chicken and twerking in front of Victoria’s Secret, that’s perhaps less awesome.

Nurture Your Fetish

Have confidence in yourself! When you are asked about what turns you on, don’t be afraid to share! Or, if you are like many others out there and don’t have someone to share it with, arrange a call with your telephone Mistress to explore all the different ways your fetishes can be enhanced or discovered!