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Why New Year’s resolutions are a blankety-blank

Why New Year’s resolutions are a blankety-blank

“This year, my resolutions are …,”

We’ve all done it, so you may as well own it. Every year, right about this time, we all start talking about the New Year’s resolutions we’re making. We’re all going to quit smoking. We’re all going to lose weight. We’re all going to take more time for ourselves and spend less time working. We’re going to get that promotion. We’re going to live somewhere that doesn’t have boob sweat. All these resolutions are promises to ourselves that we’re going to be better next year. But are we setting ourselves up for failure? Are resolutions helpful or harmful? Why can’t we just love ourselves?

Self-harming resolutions


“I’m going to lose one hundred and fifteen pounds by June twentieth because I have a wedding I’m going to. I talked to this doctor online and they signed me up for a six hundred calorie per day diet. It promises results in the first two weeks!”

I wish I could say I’m kidding but that is something someone has said to me in the last twelve days. And to look at her, you would never think there’s seventy-five pounds that she needs to lose, let alone one hundred and fifteen! And sadly, she is not the only person that I know of who makes resolutions that are actually harmful. As a whole, society bombards us with commercials and images that show people getting into shape, sweating on a treadmill (in full makeup no less), buying workout gear (No, Janice, you do not need a subscription to buying workout gear), and make it seem as though you can simply jump off your couch and be that person. Then they advertise crash diets, fad workouts, or magic pills that will “melt your fat away”. None of these things are good for you. And they will hurt you.

Helpful resolutions

If your goal is to achieve weight loss, look into speaking with a nutritionist. If your goal is to workout more, start small. Start walking around the dining room table, then down the street, and then perhaps look into a gym membership. Don’t try to run a 5k in February when you’ve never even made it to ten thousand steps in a day. Instead of eating less, eat smarter; look into eating habits that support your whole body. Make a routine for yourself to do meal prep one day a week. Sign up for a subscription dinner box. Yes, they can be expensive but if you’re smart about them, you can make them work. Try a few different companies and make your decision from there. You can also look into healthy snack boxes that come pre-portioned.

If your goal is to just move more, make it fun. Set a realistic goal (thirty thousand steps in a week) and reward yourself with a manicure. Or perhaps a book you’ve been wanting to read. Something that has nothing to do with clothes or numbers on a scale. I reward myself with really indulgent coffee. Technically not food and still a true pleasure for me.

Self-care resolutions

You can also make resolutions that help you to take care of yourself. Yes, the walking steps is helpful but I’m talking about routines that help you to recharge. I’ve made resolutions to meditate at least three times a week, or to save all my spare change and whatever it comes up to at the end of the year is my “getaway money”. In 2018, I’m participating in the “$5000 52 Week Money Challenge” to save five thousand dollars by the end of the year. I have no idea how I’m going to spend it, but I’m making a resolution to save it.

New Year’s resolutions are fun and, whether you achieve them or not, remember that loving yourself is the most important aspect. You don’t have to kill yourself to achieve the perfect body by February; you can still enjoy cream in your coffee. Make a resolution to love yourself no matter what and you’ve already made it further than most.

Good luck.


Let’s talk about racism in porn (and why it’s a shitty shade of segregation)

Let’s talk about racism in porn (and why it’s a shitty shade of segregation)

We all know racism lives on in our society. All you have to do is look at the controversy surrounding NFL players taking a knee. Or listen to Beyonce’s Formation. Anywhere and everywhere you look, racism can be seen. The #BlackLivesMatter movement started it and it’s taken on a life of it’s own. Personally, I cannot abide any style of racism or discrimination; segregation was settled in 1954 with Brown v The Board of Education of Topeka. Separate but equal is bullshit. That’s why we have seats on busses, integrated school systems, and abolished lunch counters. (okay that’s a lie. Lunch counters were abolished when “homecooked” food became unpopular.) So why, in 2017, are we still fighting the same fight again? And who the fuck let racism into my porn?

Raci- who?

On 22 November, the gay arm of the AVN (@GayVN on twitter) announced they would be hosting an award show in 2018. The last awards show from GayVN was in 2010 so perhaps they felt it was time. Whatever the reason, I soon started to see a flurry of congratulations flying back and forth among some of my favourite performers. I was honestly pleased for them; they work hard and deserve the recognition. Not to mention, if I’d had the opportunity to attend, who doesn’t love to get all dolled up? And then, a day or so later, one such performer that I admire, Hugh Hunter, posted something on his twitter wherein he “respectfully declined” the nomination because of the open racism and segregation.

A dick is a dick

To say the least, I was confused and a bit surprised. I admit to my own privileged ignorance when it comes to racism in the adult film industry; I noticed that there are precious few performers that aren’t buff, gorgeous, white, men. And of those performers that don’t fit that role, their opportunities are limited to being fetishized. Black performers are relegated to wife-stealing bulls whereas Asian performers are stereotyped for their tiny stature. Sadly, I can’t say that I was a huge champion of their cause before this award announcement. But moving forward, you can bet your Queen Bits’ panties that I’ll shine a bloody floodlight on it. Performers should be categorized by many things; ability to act, ability to stay hard, ability to make my panties implode when they start making out … wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah … dicks.

Best … WHAT?

So, back to my outrage. When Hugh respectfully declined his nomination, he posted the below.

Take a minute and read that. I mean, yes by all means, go read the entire letter (it’s scathingly beautiful) … but just read that first line and let it sink in. Really sink in.

Best ethnic scene

So let me get this perfectly straight, because I wouldn’t want to be misunderstood. The Adult Video News brand, through it’s gay division thought having a best ethnic scene was acceptable. Like, they couldn’t just have a “Best Scene” and nominated the non-whites in with the whites but oh no! They felt the best course of action would be to segregate an already underserved and marginalized percentage of it’s performers. So whoever wins can say they got an award for being both (race) and (position) as opposed to just winning for that position. Asinine doesn’t even begin to explain how ridiculous that sounds when you read it out loud, right?

Eradicate racism

We cannot tolerate racism at any level. We should not allow racism and segregation to make any performer feel lesser than. Already, a few performers have joined Hugh Hunter in his refusal of the nomination and I hope more join in the fight. Judge a performer for their performance, regardless of whether they are white, black, ocre, dandelion yellow, or grey with indigo stripes. Please take a moment to tweet to @gayvn and add your voice to the fight.

Tag me in your Tweet and I’ll happily throw three free minutes at you. @RyanEKillian

Let’s talk about customer service fails

We live in a society that lives and dies by customer service. Everywhere you look, there are examples of customer service, both great and awful. This isn’t a new phenomena; it’s been the rule for the better part of the last forty years or so. I point this out because today, a very simple thing just grated me the wrong way and it’s set me in a mood.

What is great customer service?

This is a subjective answer. Everyone has their own interpretation of “great” but we can agree, I think, that anything better than bad is a shade of good. Just meeting the needs of the customer is okay customer service but, to really earn those stellar reviews, you have to exceed the expectation, anticipate the need, and communicate directly and thoroughly. Each of us has our own interpretation of what those expectations are and so “great” customer service is never a single answer.

What is bad customer service?

I’d wager you’re already thinking about some of the memorable customer service fails that you have experienced. Pizza delivery and it was flipped upside down? Trying to return an item to the store and the clerk insists the item wasn’t returnable to their store because it was purchased at a different store? Is Comcast your cable provider? All of these are examples of an extremity of bad customer service so I could set the scene (yes, that does mean I intend to share a story). A glaring example of a customer service fail.

My pet peeve

I can put up with quite a bit. I’ve been seeing a dentist down here in Ocala for the last year and his staff has always been amazing. Especially with someone like me, who breaks out into hives just thinking about it. I was told in my last appointment that I was going to need a partial denture for three teeth in the back of my mouth. We scheduled everything and I did my impression. Now, I was supposed to come in this morning at 10AM to see the first cast from the impression. I get there at ten to ten and I’m sitting in the waiting room for almost ten minutes. When she finally goes come out, she looks at me and I watch her face crumple.

“Hon, I knew I forgot to call someone! Usually we get our dentures and our partials turned around in about a week and I looked last night but I could have sworn I saw yours.”

Okay. So I’m here for no reason this morning. I must have limit because I can’t do significantly loud noises.

“Well I noticed last night that your partial didn’t come in.”

… folks, I almost lost my shit right there. You knew last night and didn’t bother telling me?

So I’m working on cheering myself up with bad television. Now my sneak peek at my partial and hope they don’t look