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Fetish: The Care and Feeding of your Sexuality

Fetish: The Care and Feeding of your Sexuality

Every person you know has a fetish (yes, even “that” neighbor) for something. There are no explanations for it, no rhyme or reason to what turns us all on, but it’s something every person in history shares. The difference comes in the “type” or “flavor” of fetish you enjoy, as some are more socially acceptable than others; one person’s over-the-knee spanking is desirable while that same act is another person’s traumatic experience. Each of us has gone through the dreaded new relationship question of “what are you into?” and had that moment of freeze where you gauge how much to tell a potential partner about what turns you on. This is because, for some of us, our fetishes go beyond trite romance novels and commercially produced “soccer-mom” erotica. Sadly this leads many to an unsatisfactory sex life and boring, lights-off, hole-in-the-sheets style missionary fucking.

fetish phone sex

Identify Your Fetish

The first thing you need to remember when identifying what turns you on is that what turns you on doesn’t always have to be sexual. In fact, many times, it’s not anything sexual at all! Yes, sexual acts can (and do!) get you in the mood, but what about when you are in the department store, and you happen to gaze at the end cap display of women’s socks. Or the tingle you experience when meeting someone with a vast intellect? These are both very non-sexual but well-recognized fetishes (podophilia and sapiosexuality, respectively) in the modern world. It’s essential to take the time to identify what turns you on, not only for your future partners but also for yourself! Masturbation isn’t just about the physical reaction; sometimes, there’s a huge mental factor as well.

Embrace Your Fetish

Once you know what turns you on, it’s critical to remember that there is nothing wrong with your fetish. There are no “right” and “wrong” fetishes, provided they don’t violate any laws or impose them upon other people unknowingly. Whatever your fetish is, chances are high that you didn’t “choose” it and there’s nothing wrong with you for embracing it.** Your fetish is an “also” in your sexual identity, the finishing pinch of sea salt on your bedroom caramel. Once you are comfortable with your own fetishes, you can have that conversation and get to know your partner’s fetishes and see where they meet.

** For example, if you get off on being humiliated, that’s awesome. If you want to be embarrassed by dressing as a chicken and twerking in front of Victoria’s Secret, that’s perhaps less awesome.

Nurture Your Fetish

Have confidence in yourself! When you are asked about what turns you on, don’t be afraid to share! Or, if you are like many others out there and don’t have someone to share it with, arrange a call with your telephone Mistress to explore all the different ways your fetishes can be enhanced or discovered!

Cuckoldry: Ridiculous or Romantic?

Cuckoldry: Ridiculous or Romantic?

cuckoldry personifiedCuckold relationships tend to be very black and white, so to speak. People have very definite feelings about their validity as both a lifestyle and as a kink. In the following few paragraphs, I’m going to explain what this lifestyle is from an outsider’s perspective, show the pros and cons, and shine some light on one of my favourite taboo subjects. Keep in mind, as you read, that I am a cuckoldress so my views may not line up with your own, but I welcome discussions in the comments as long as they are respectful.

What is a cuckold?

A cuckold is traditionally defined as being a man in a subordinate sexual position to his partner who is turned on by the idea or act of his partner having a sexual relationship with another partner. There is a female version of the same fetish, but the term used there is cuckquean. The concept is the same, and most of the underlying reasonings are similar, but somewhere along the way, we just go our own term.

Why cuckolding?

There are a variety of reasons; some get off on the humiliation of not measuring up, others love watching their partner be with someone else for the voyeuristic aspect. Even within those two generalities there are subsections as well, such as the idea of being coerced into it by their partners, the racial undertones that can sometimes be associated with the fetish, the “surprise!” of finding out your partner has been cuckolding you all along, and even the added emasculation of feminization to add to their shame. It’s not just about the voyeurism (more than half don’t get to watch), but an underlying message of “You aren’t good enough.” For those who enjoy power exchange, that message is incredibly arousing. It instantly emasculates the man and continues to drive the point home with every instance of infidelity. It’s the real diamond being dangled in front of a Valkyrie … or the Twinkie on display in front of a kid that loves candy.

What kind of partner does this?

The kind that loves the man in their life, typically. Cuckolding is not about degradation so much as it’s a unique expression of love between two people. You have to have a stable relationship and a clear understanding of what each wants from the experience before you dip your toes in. This is not something for the average married couple looking to “spice things up.” Some couples try this and find it’s really not their cup of tea (some fetishes should remain fantasies), while others embrace it and take it on as their new normal. Female-led relationships are a cousin to this lifestyle and are sometimes spawned by an interest in cuckoldry.

So now you know … it’s romantic, but only to those that truly understand the dynamic. The only ridiculous thing is judging what someone else does in their bedroom.

The BBC In The Room

The BBC In The Room

BBC is explained using a variety of ways. To the non-kink-aware, it’s innocuous enough: British Broadcasting Corporation. For many years, they were the only game in town when it came to radio and television in the UK. To myself, and a particular Lewis Carroll fan out there in the universe, it’s the name of my computer: Big, Black Computer; fairly clear there as my computer takes up quite a bit of room and the NZXT case I bought for it is … well … quite black. Both descriptors are correct, though if you hear me talking about BBC here or on the phone, we both know I’m not talking about corporations or computers; I’m talking about cock. Big, Black Cock. Did that give you a little shiver? I bet it did, you little pervert! BUT, as we will soon find out, it’s not all equal.

How do you prefer your BBC?

This is where we get into the nuts and bolts. BBC comes with a variety of its own; not all cocks are equal. Admittedly, all BBC is vastly superior to your shrimpy white penis, but even with that, some are genuinely magnificent while others are simply better. I have known some men to have cocks that exceed eleven inches and are so heavy, it’s almost a cardio workout to give them a handjob, and I have also known men that are closer to nine inches (possibly even eight?!), but their cocks are … beautiful. I can’t say I have ever used that word to describe any of you, though I could be wrong. (and no, “cute” is not the same as beautiful) Some men are “cut,” or circumcised, while others are intact, and each of us has a preference for one or the other. I like the look of an intact man, and I can appreciate the sensitivity when I can roll his foreskin back and watch him shiver as your lips curl around that overly-sensitive head. You can’t tell me you don’t have the same appreciation for BBC; I’ve heard you moaning on the phone when we chat.

Is There Such A Thing As Small Black Cock?

In a word; no. Some are not as large as others, but there’s no such thing as a small one. Even if it’s eight inches, it still doesn’t qualify as being underwhelming, which is what I think of when I’m talking about small penes, such as yours. Even on your best day, you can’t measure up to a flaccid BBC, let alone compete with the big boys once they are erect. This is why YOU are the one on your knees, and not him. And that’s how it’s always going to be, end of the story.

If you’d like to discuss your desires, you know how to find me.

Pantyhose on a Dude

Pantyhose on a Dude

The other day, I posted about an exciting caller who introduced me to the idea of male lingerie. I relayed the story he told me about how he got started wearing pantyhose under his jeans, which involved a black-tie event for his company and his buying a tuxedo for the get-together. When he was finished purchasing the tux, the salesperson was talking to him about accessories, such as socks to wear and his bowtie.

Dress Socks

In the end, he told me about the salesperson convincing him that he couldn’t wear his regular socks with dress shoes (which is one-hundred percent accurate) and that he needed something thinner to wear. The salesperson brought out a pair of “dress socks” to demonstrate, which is when he commented on their similarity to stockings his girlfriend wears. The salesperson spent twenty minutes trying to sell him on “dress socks” to no avail, and it was on the drive home my client came up with an idea. He was passing a drugstore and he recalled thinking the socks felt like stockings, so he pulled in and went to the ladies stockings section. He confided in me that he was a tad overwhelmed with figuring things out from there and it was a sympathetic older woman who assisted him. Upon arriving at home, he threw the bag into a drawer and forgot all about it until the night of the event.


Several days later, the event was upon him and he ran home after sticking late at another jobsite. According to him, he rushed into the shower, grabbed the tuxedo from the closet and “almost” forgot about the knee-highs. When he grabbed the package from the drawer, he tore into it and realized he’d made an error. He tried putting the socks on as he would any other pair … and promptly put his thumb through the gauzy material. As you can imagine, that put a ladder of some size into the nylon, which rendered them unwearable. Figuring he would grab a pair on the way to the event, he finished dressing, slipped his feet into a pair of sneakers temporarily, and took a ride down to the local market. It was there he panicked. There were no knee-highs, only pantyhose. He ended up in a pair of control-top sheer black pantyhose, and that was the day his life changed. 

“My choices were to wear sneakers, pantyhose, or nothing. I knew I’d get annihilated in sneakers, and the idea of the blisters the salesperson warned me about wasn’t all that appealing. So I grabbed one of the packages and managed to figure out something close to what size I was supposed to be wearing. Managed to get through the checkout, rush back home to change, and get to the hotel before the event really kicked off. At first, I couldn’t concentrate on anything but that weird pressure on my cock from where the pantyhose were, but it faded as the night went on. Even started to feel a little good. It wasn’t turning me on so much as it was just … nice.”


“Next day I went back to wearing my regular jeans, but I noticed they didn’t feel quite the same. I couldn’t figure it out til I was sitting down to dinner a few days later and I noticed my girlfriend wearing stockings under her trousers. I asked her and she said she wore ’em because she liked the way they looked and felt. That ended up in a conversation between us that led to her encouraging me to wear a pair under my jeans the next day. And now, four years later, here I am. I’ve tried everything from panties to dresses; it’s not the dressing up that feels right, just the stockings. And it’s not usually so sexual but … well sometimes it is,” he informed me.

Shortly after that, we ended the call but I keep hoping to hear back from him again. The idea of a man that enjoys wearing pantyhose without the associated fetishes was such a new experience for me!

Masculine Lingerie

Masculine Lingerie

You giggled, didn’t you? It’s okay, I did too. After all, “masculine lingerie” makes as much sense to our society as “normal weirdo” or “intelligent dumbfuckery.” It’s a thing reserved for internet memes and half-whispered jokes in the locker rooms, or one of those strange things you see on Wish adverts. Or is it?
If I say “men in panties” I’d bet the first thing you think of is a sissy or a crossdresser. As a society, we have been conditioned to automatically assume anyone that has a Y chromosome wearing lingerie must be “gay” or a sissy. I’ll even go so far as to say I admit that was my assumption until recently. (Yes, your favorite Mistress can occasionally be mistaken; but never wrong). I recently had a call with someone who works in the trades as a foreman for a “mid-sized company.” And he turned what I knew on its ear.

Where It Starts

When we first started our call, as always, I asked a few pointed questions to get a feel for him and what he likes. At two minutes and forty-three seconds into our call, he announced as casually as I might say I’m going for a coffee, “I put on the wrong stockings under my jeans this morning, and I need a little relief to get through the rest of the day.”
“I’m sorry. The ‘wrong’ stockings?”
“Usually I wear control top pantyhose under my jeans because I like the feeling without having to worry about my dick moving around too much. This morning, I was running late, and I put on a pair of sheer-to-waist as I ran out the door. Now my junk is bouncing around in my stockings, and I’m hiding out on the top floor of a building that is being constructed around me.”
Keep in mind, he was half-laughing as he said this, but he was quite serious. He was in a tool closet while his team was on lunch, and he’d stripped his jeans down to his ankles (Ma’am, these boots are a bitch to get off and on even in my own house, and I have about one-eighth of the space in this closet that I have in my bedroom).

Pantyhose for Dudes

Needless to say, it didn’t take very long for him to reach a climax considering he’d spent the better part of six hours being cockteased by stockings. Normally, that would be the end of our conversation, but he took the time to thank me for not being “weirded out” by his wearing stockings. I assured him I speak to many men who love to wear lingerie, and that’s where he took me on a sidetrack. I asked him about how he got started wearing stockings, expecting to hear a story of a childhood curiosity or a cruel ex-girlfriend. Instead, I found myself talking about a black-tie event.
“A few years ago, my company won a fairly large contract, and we were celebrating its completion with a formal party. Complete with the penguin suits, free champagne toast, and an open bar. Shocking as it may be,” he began, chuckling a little under his breath, “I don’t actually own a tuxedo. But seeing as I’m one of the bosses, I figured I’d do it up. So I went to a Men’s Warehouse in the mall and asked about buying one. The guy in the store helped me pick something out that I liked the look off, and he was taking measurements and gettin’ real personal with my ins and outs. But he was cool and had me laughing the whole time. Anyway, so we finally finish measuring, I head out, and he tells me when to come back for the suit.
“When I went back, I tried the suit on and it was good. At least, he said it was good, and one of the other people in the store commented. I was happy. I’m going to take it off, and he starts asking me about shoes and what I’m wearing with the suit. Ten minutes later, he’s got me sitting in a chair, and I’m holding a pair of nylon socks. The first thing out of my mouth is something about how they feel like my girlfriend’s pantyhose, and he starts laughing at me. Tells me they are “pantyhose for dudes,” and I need to wear them with my new dress shoes.”

Read up on Saturday for the rest of this story …